


Managing Expectations

by Sio_99



Series: Stories that I may continue, or may never finish, read at your own risk [3]
Category: Sons of Anarchy
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-21
Updated: 2018-06-02
Packaged: 2019-05-09 17:03:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14720099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sio_99/pseuds/Sio_99
Summary: A story focused on Tara and how slightly different choices would change her life.





	1. At the Start

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE READ  
> Possible triggers  
> Rape (mentioned) and lose of pregnancy. implied suicide (not a main character)
> 
>  
> 
> Also, I do not own and have no rights to Sons of Anarchy. 
> 
> This fanfic is not beta'd and will likely be full of mistakes. Meh

Tara exhaled trying to drain the frustration and tension from her slight frame. Her father had found her small stash of saving hidden in her room and had promptly drank it away. Now she was that much more dependent on whatever scholarship she could get. Tara sighed again this time she walked over to the couch where her father was passed out, cigarette held loosely between his fingers. Tara contemplated leaving it there, leaving the house, leaving the street in hopes of her problems fixing themselves through a cleansing fire. 

She shook herself and told herself she was no murder. She took the cigarette and snuffed it out in the already over crowded ashtray. This was not going to be her future, she would get out and she would not use the same method her mother had used several years ago abandoning Tara to her father's drunken mercies. 

~*~*~

Not everything in Tara's life was depressing, there were a few bright spots. Her undoubted intelligence and drive for one, and for another her relationship with a certain bad boy around town a Jax Teller. They'd dated since their junior year of high school. Now Tara was in her senior year and would soon be making some tough choices. Make or break choices. Stay with Jax, be his 'Old Lady' as the club would put it or be a doctor. Tara very much doubted she could have both as much as she might wish it. Tara didn't think Jax would leave the club he was currently prospecting for, the club that his father helped build and that his step-father was the current president of. Did she even have the right to ask that of him? All he'd ever wanted to be was a version of his dad, he held on to this dream with the same passion that Tara held on to hers. She was not looking forward to the conversation she would have to have with him. 

"Hey Tara!" Jax seemed surprised to see her at the clubhouse. The surprise was justified as Tara did her very best to avoid the S.T.D. riddled place. 

"Jax! I just couldn't wait to see you." Jax didn't look totally convinced, he probably sensed a difficult conversation was in the near future. 

"Alright" he rumbled his voice not quite matching his still boyish looks. "I'm done here any how, go wait by my bike, I'll be right there." Tara nodded as Jax shouted into the clubhouse that he was taking off. 

~*~*~*~

They went to the park close to Tara's house. "What did you want to talk about?" asked Jax. Tara was silent a moment unsure how to begin. Just as Jax started to get impatient Tara opened her mouth and blurted out.

"I got a full ride scholarship to U.C. San Diego." 

"That's great Tara congratulations!" Jax grinned at her.

"Thanks. I think we need to talk about us."

"Aw com'on Tara." Jax practically whined. 

"No seriously, this will change things! I'll be several hours away, and if all goes well I'll be going into medicine. It's going to take years Jax. I can't expect you to wait for me." Tears gathered at the corners of her eyes and Jax sat stunned speechless having realized what this could mean.

"Tara..." Began Jax. "I can't leave the MC, they're my family."

"No! I am not asking you to. I get it Jax, I really do, you've talked about being like your dad since we were seven years old." 

"And you've talked about being a doctor." Jax said completing the circle as Tara nodded pale faced. 

"I love you Jax, but if I don't do this I'll always regret it, every drunken thing my dad has said about me will be true." Tara covered her mouth with her hand and suppressed a sob. Jax pulled her close and wrapped his arms around her.

"Shhhhh." He rocked her "San Diego is only 6 hours away, we don't have to decide anything yet. I can't loose you." 

Tara gasped and threw her arms around Jax. Although she knew this was only putting odd the inevitable.

~*~*~*~*~


	2. As it Goes

Tara couldn't say she was terribly surprised to see Mamma-bear Gemma outside her place of work. Tara stifled a sigh, she knew this confrontation was coming but she'd hoped it wouldn't be while she was still smelling of burger grease. 

"Gemma." She greeted.

"Is it true?" Demanded Gemma Hands on her hips in her classic power stance. Tara didn't play coy. 

"Yes, I got a full ride to UCSD." 

"You're going to leave Jax?" This time Tara did sigh. She really didn't want to have this argument in a parking lot.

"Jax and I talked about it and decided to try a long distance relationship." Gemma made a disbelieving noise in the back of her throat. 

"You're going to try to get him to leave the club!" Gemma accused. 

"No! Never!" Tara paused at Gemma's surprised look. "I know how important the club is to Jax." Explained Tara. "It's part of who he is."

Gemma eyed her doubtfully then said. "This 'long distance' thing won't work and he won't wait for you to get your fancy degrees." Gemma's tone held an edge of nastiness. Tara blinked back tears. 

"I know that too." Gemma's expression seemed to soften. 

"But your still going to try?"

"I'm - we're still going to try. " confirmed Tara. Gemma shifted fishing out a cigarette from her bag and lighting it. She weighted Tara for a moment then said.

"Your mom would be proud of you." With that Gemma turned and walked back to her cadillac. Tara was glad because there was no way she would have been able to hide her tears. 

~*~*~*~

Jax and Opie had both been kind enough to help her move her meager belongings out of her father's house and into her cousin Lisa's. The trip to San Diego had been both freeing and bittersweet. She was free and out from under her father's thumb, but she was leaving behind friends and Jax. It scared the shit out of her.

Cousin Lisa hadn't been totally impressed when Tara had shown up with to prospective bikers, but Jax's charm and Opie's obvious awkwardness had quickly won her over.

"He seems like a such a nice boy." She would later say. "Too bad he's a criminal." Tara couldn't help but agree.


	3. It's broken

Tara kept her head down and worked hard. She still managed to make a few friends. So when mid terms rolled around and her assignments were turned in she decided to let loose and party with her friends. The place they choose looked like a dive on the outside and the inside wasn't much better. She'd been on her 2nd drink and her friends on their 3rd when a blonde headed man emerged from a back room his arm around a raven haired slut. Tara thought nothing of it at first, until the man got closer and she got a good look at him. It was Jax who was now a fully patched member of the club. She felt a sudden burning rage flicker to life. She knew that the members of SAMCROW often cheated on their wives and girlfriends while away. Jax wouldn't have expected her to be in this bar or anywhere near here. He obviously wasn't here to visit her as he hadn't called her. She was frozen. Did she confront him, let it slide, or freeze him out? 

Before she could decide Jax's eyes found hers. She was the realization come over his face, his arm dropped from around the woman's waist. The raven haired woman turned to look at Jax, she followed his gaze to Tara. The slut smirked and wrapped herself around Jax. That was too much. Tara suddenly couldn't breath she needed out. She turned and fled the crowded bar. She didn't stop even when she heard Jax calling her name. It was only when she'd payed the taxi driver and stumbled up Lisa's steps that she broke down in tears. Never again. Never again.

~*~*~*~*~

Tara was extremely proud of herself she'd worked hard and graduated top of her class. She was now about to start a new chapter in her life. She was going to Northwestern University again on a scholarship. 

~*~*~*~


	4. World of Hurt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dark themes ahead. Domestic abuse.

She'd met Joshua Kohn while finishing her residency. At first he'd been everything she'd wanted in a partner. Sh what if he always picked where they ate or what they did on their time off. Tara was tired from working ling unpaid shifts, she was just glad a few unimportant decisions ere taken out of her hands. It had all been fin until it wasn't. Josh had started to become insanely jealous. He was suspicious of every man Tara worked with convinced they all wanted her, convinced she wanted them. He became violent and obsessed with getting her pregnant. Tara was startled one day to see the same bruises she had on a patient in the emergency department who was suffering from domestic abuse. Still she stayed unable to break away. It wasn't until one particularly brutal beating resulting in her miscarrying that she got smart. She had the hospital document her injuries including photographs. She went to police station after station until she found one willing to give her a restraining order. 

It didn't help, he violated the restraining order then her. Feeling hollow and worn out she got the hospital to document her injuries again. This time she mad copies of her file and an appointment with Josh's boss.

~*~*~*~*~

Acting Deputy Director Anthony B Rork invited Tara into his office. " How can I help you Dr. Knowles? I am surprised to see you here. Agent Kohn talks about you often." Tara grimaced. 

"I've got a problem, Josh has been abusive and he has violated the restraining order i had against him." Tara explained in a rush.

"I see." The Deputy Director's eyebrows traveled up his forehead clearly surprised and disbelieving. "I'm sorry to have to ask you this , but do you have any proof?" Tara pulled a copy of her file out of her bag and handed it over. Deputy Rork took it and skimmed through looking more and more unhappy as he went. Finally he closed the file and tapped his index finger on the cover. "Dr. Knowles, I'm deeply sorry this has happened to you but there us nothing i can do for you. This is a matter for the police. 

"I see." Said Tara standing and turning to leave.

"Don't you want your file?"

"Keep it I have more."

"Pardon?"

"Well I wanted to make sure each news outlet had an equal opportunity to air the material, it should make quite the splash. 'Senior ATF agent abuses and violates young promising Doctor' I imagine many of his cases will be called into question." Deputy Rork now had a thunderous loon on his face. "Sit down Ms. Knowles."

"Doctor." Corrected Tara easing herself back into the chair.

"What is it you want?"

"I want Josh Kohn out of my life. I'm moving he doesn't even need to relocate. I just want him to leave me alone." Tara's voice was tinged with desperation. 

Rork sighed "There is a position in my direct chain of command that has become open. He is one of our best agents, it wouldn't be strange that he would get it. This position well be based out of this office and I will be able to monitor him directly."

"Mr. Rork, I need you to understand I have copies of those files, I don't care if its next week, year or 20 years from now. If he shows up I will release the files along with the threats of violence he has left on my answering machine. I'm selfish i don't care if it calls into question every case he's ever worked or the integrity of your department. 

"I understand you Dr. Knowles and for what its worth I am sorry this was done to you by one of my own." Rork looked 10 years older than when Tara had first walked in. She acknowledged his apology with a quite thank you. She left Rork's office feeling lighter and more hopeful than she had for months.


	5. Heal the Hurt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning passing mention of depression, passed suicide. Character death- canon

A few days before Tara went to see Josh's boss she got a call from the palliative care unit of St. Thomas hospital. Her father was dying, had been for a while. He had at most a few weeks left to live. It may have been a bit cold of her but she took this as an opportunity to relocate quickly. He wasn't going to be using the house, now was he?

~*~*~*~

Tara was feeling somewhat ambivalent as she entered St. Thomas's palliative care unit. The halls were painted a bright cheery yellow and every available window sill had a potted plant. As if some decorative assents could overcome the feeling of death that lurked around every corner.

Tara entered her father's room and instantly felt relieved to find him asleep, thus putting off their reunion for a little bit longer. Tara sat down in the uncomfortable hospital chair. Pulling a book from her her handbag she settled back into the chair and began reading. A while later a cough from the bed pulled her attention away from her book. 

"Hi dad." Tara said for lack of anything better to say. Richard Knowles stared at his daughter surprised to see her at his bedside after everything he'd put her through. 

"You came- " Richard reached out and grabbed Tara's hand ignoring her slight jump at the contact. "Thank you."

Tara was dumbfounded, this was not how she had expected their meeting to go. Her wide eyes gave away her shock; Richard chuckled hoarsely. 

"It's taken years, some of them sober, but i finally realized what I put you through. I got sober to late for it to make a difference. I just want to say how sorry I am and how proud I am of you."

"Dad I-" Tara began but was interrupted. 

"I know I was a useless father and the reason you left Charming, never looking back. It mean's so much to me that you're here now."  
Wordlessly Tara covered his hand with hers and gave a gently squeeze. There were tears in her eyes, but she refused to let them fall. 

"I love you Tara." All Tara's anger was suddenly gone, she felt lighter than she had in years. She was again that little girl who loved her daddy. Now she did cry, hugging her dad gently, mindful of his I.V. port and various tubes. 

~*~*~*~

Days marched on and Richard got weaker and weaker but it seemed he was more than ready to go. Tara found herself spending more and ore time by his bedside. They often talked of happier times before her mom's depression and later suicide. Before her dad found comfort at the bottom of a bottle. Eventually though the pain became to much for Richard and the dosage of morphine was increased making him sleep more. 

Finally two and a half weeks later Richard slipped away in his sleep, Tara by his side. 

~*~*~*~

Tara was numb as she organized her father's small funeral. Her father's lawyer had contacted her, Richard had left her the house which was mortgage free. He had also left her seventy thousand dollars. Where the money came from she didn't know. 

~*~*~*


End file.
